Life’s been feeling generous lately. This past year has been filled with heartache, watching my mother slip away due to breast cancer has been the most awakening event in my adult life. The person that had been there most for me is now gone, a new journey was presented to me the moment my mom was emitted to the hospital. A journey I might have just grabbed by the balls. I've decided I want to become a rancher… do I have any experience with cattle, fixing fences, or driving a tractor, no. But I do know how to ride a horse and extremely well thanks to my mom.

She grew up in Toledo, Ohio, at age five she was gifted her first pony named Buckshot started her journey. She rode up until college and passionately showed Western pleasure and showmanship. After moving to California, and meeting my dad in college, later in 2001 having me, I and my siblings five and six years later I lived in the middle of Los Angeles. Big whomp. Surrounded by big buildings and planes being flown overhead, this was definitely not the desired destination of this midwesterner.

When I was ten we moved to Newbury Park, I’d like to describe it as a “small rural mountain town.” Twenty minutes from the ocean but two seconds from open land. This was her big break to get me to follow in her footsteps! There’s a ranch right down the road, she signed me up to join Blue Shadows Mounted Drill Team. I rode with them for almost six years just up until freshman year of high school. Mom was at every show, parade, and practice, and was smiling the whole time. Outside of the drill team, she coached me on horses I helped exercise since I never had my own. She had watched me become an equestrian, a lover of horses, or the dreaded name…a horse girl.

I took a break from riding to fill in other passions but have found myself back where I started. Beginning from the bottom of the pecking order, I've found trail-guiding jobs to be my occupation for a little while. I searched high and low for someone to hire me, in my opinion, I have plenty of experience in giving trail rides, others didn’t just because I’ve never worked on a ranch or had my own horse. Being turned away from a job I knew I could handle fueled my drive. Many phone calls later I now work at two different ranches as a trail guide. I feel accomplished when I come home from work with dirt under my fingernails and smelling like manure. I hope I still feel that way when it’s blistering hot as I artificially impregnate cows.

This next year I have some pretty big plans. I will go to Texas in September to get trained on basic ranching skills, followed by a long bus ride to Australia in December with 3 of my best girlfriends. We’ll be staying on the coast for a bit but eventually, I’ll break away from the group. I’d like to find a job on a cattle ranch and will be working for free since I'm not experienced. A bed and some food are all I'm asking for. In this industry, everyone has their own way of doing things. Learning from as many individuals as I can will only benefit me in the long run.

My last big plan when I come home is to go back to school, move up to San Luis Obispo, and study agriculture at Cuesta community college. This is the first time I've ever felt passionately about school, which must be a good sign. In my opinion, ranchers don’t just chase after cattle and fix fences, but they are lovers of the land. I want to conserve California's land by keeping ranching alive, I don't ever want to feel like I live in Los Angeles again, buildings don’t compare to the open outdoors. And this is how life has been generous, I’ve been shown a path that I will follow to make myself proud and my mother even prouder. I love you mom!

polaroid photos by mary grosswendt